I have to keep occupied. So what did I go and do, I am coming up with things to do. Of course when you do that, opposition comes. My worst enemy is repeating what others have said to myself. The things they say that are hurtful and negative. I really struggled with that, and am still on the fringe. Just when I think I’ve got myself stable, I take a mental kick to the cerebellum. The worst is that I let it happen. I see it coming and just let it hit, and then let it simmer on my mind all day, week, month long.

These are the highs and lows I was talking about. What I have realized though is that this only makes me stronger. When I pull through, I realize more and have a sharper vision for what is to come and how to face the next one.  Even though it may be “harder” it is really only another obstacle ready to be leveled. I am all about fairly going over, under, or straight through any hardship. What I mean by fairly is that I am not going to step on anyone, deceive anyone, lie, steal, cheat, or anything like that. I want to be legit. To conquer the obstacle with all I’ve got and beat it fair and square.

So for 2012, I pressed the ready button. Ready to roll. To take a hit, and give a hit to the things that stand in my way. To shock the world and defy the odds. I will be completely honest, “All things are possible with God” If God is on my side, who can be against me? I just want you all to know that I am on your side. I will be here, no matter where my life goes and what happens, if you need me, I will be there. Through God’s use of my friends, I am where I am. Thank you. I got your back. I am ready to roll.

Happy 2012!

I strive hard to be real. Real in the sense that what I post online, my Facebook, Twitter, Youtube, blogs, etc, that those reflect who I am in real life. I do not believe in having alternate identities online and in life. Be the same no matter where you are.

I find it funny that employers base their hiring decisions on someone’s Facebook. Really? 20 years ago, we didn’t have Facebook, what stopped or prompted you from hiring the person then? If people have crazy party pictures up on their Facebook, and take them down to “clean” it up for employers, what really are they portraying? If they get hired, they are still going to party. What then is the difference if they have it all over the internet or not? It doesn’t make sense to me. People will do what they want to do regardless of screened social media.

I believe that this kind of screening is creating alternate identities. There is the person who lives online and the person who lives at work and the person who lives at the weight room and a person who lives a the grocery store…the list could go on.

I do believe that it is healthy to separate work from play. At least to the point that one needs to focus on the task at hand and be productive and wise in time management. If you have a weekend free to spend with your family, take that time and spend it with them. If work requires you to stay late a few nights in a row to get the project done, stay late and get it done. Focus on the task and do it. Then go home and relax. When at work, be respectful of the work time and be productive.

This however does not mean you have to be two different people. You can still be who you are both in the work world and in the real world and in the online world. Be sincere to yourself and others. Don’t be someone you are not. Don’t lie to yourself. Don’t lie to others. Be honest.

Don’t be arrogant about that either. If others don’t accept you for who you are don’t throw a hissy fit. Find people who will accept you. I do apologize that those people didn’t accept you and it is kinda sad they didn’t, but you can’t change them. They don’t want to change you. Part ways without causing a scene.

I guess the whole point of this blog is to just be who you are everywhere, whether it be online or in person, be the same person. There is only one of you, why not enjoy and share that special fact?

There is a two fold to that phrase that I have been thinking about lately.

1.) It shows that one is persistent. That can be both good and bad, which can also depend on the recipient or situation of the doing. If it is taken in a positive manner, it shows that one is passionate. To keep doing what they believe is the right thing to do, no matter what else or who else says so. At the same time, there is no need to be arrogant and do things out of selfish ambition. That is the wrong reason to keep doing what one is doing. Rebellion is very risky business.

2.) On the flip side of the first case, if the things you are doing just are not working, then it might be time to do something else. No one wants to just keep banging their head against a wall. If you do not see results, it might be time to reconsider your approach. Plain and simple, if what you’re doing isn’t working, might want to stop doing it.

The point I want to make out of this is in the area of discernment. One has to see the situation and assess whether if it is appropriate to continue doing what one is doing. Discernment is a tough thing to do. It is really understanding the good of the situation, the good of all, the good of one’s self. To separate your feelings from your thinking and your actions and all the combinations in between. Then you have to put them all back together in the appropriate combination for the situation. Sounds intense.

The truth is that it is. But it is nothing that you can’t handle. I believe in you to make the right decisions. To just keep doing what you’re doing.

That is how the last week and 3 days have been. Going back to before Thanksgiving. I was in a good routine. I was staying up till around 11-12 getting up around 8-9 and running, eating healthy, sleeping well, working hard to keep my mental and spiritual life in check. Even throughout Thanksgiving, with all the excessive eating, traveling, and stress, I managed to run a few times, eat healthy, sleep, etc.

When I got back from Thanksgiving break, things stayed pretty consistent. Still run, slept, ate healthy. I was going to bed a little later, around 1-2 and getting up around 10-11.

The problems arose this week. I have put my mind on overload. I pushed myself way to hard. I cannot rest and sleep well because I am stressing myself out. Why? I have no idea. I only ran once this week. I am absolutely exhausted. It all started with my mental state getting overloaded. That then affected my physical state. Now I am on the verge of sickness. I put myself here because of all the stress I put on myself. There was absolutely no need for that.

I was having a rough time today dealing with my attitude. I know I am called to do something in life, but its hard to know if I am really going somewhere.

Something my mom told me the other day, “You are fearfully and wonderfully made” (Psalm 139:14) I am feeding myself mentally and spiritually on that to sustain myself. The lowest of low depression, I hear that. When things are getting better, I hear that. Its a good reminder that some things in life are constant. Whether our circumstances are or are not, the fact that we are fearfully and wonderfully made is always constant.

You were put on this earth for a purpose, just like me. Don’t let anyone tell you other wise. Especially don’t lie to your self. Don’t convince yourself that you are not worth the effort you put into things to succeed. See your worth and cherish that. Respect yourself. Don’t do things that would jepordize your existence. Care for yourself.

Get good sleep. Eat healthy. Exercise.  Explore new areas of your passion to educate yourself and challenge your mental capacity and keep it sharp. Silence all the voices and search for the spirit to gain spiritual peace. These will all add to a healthy lifestyle.

Some people like to get into routines. Routines are good, just don’t let them become monotonous, or crutches, or excuses. Be content, but not complacent.

Enjoy life and live it loud. Live it the way you are supposed to. Have hope. Dream. Think of your bright future! It is going to be epic! You are worth it! I believe in you!

One has to realize, that sometimes in order to break habits, another has to put pressure for a change in order for the proper result take bloom. I am not going to say he treats people nicely or poorly. He just sees how to get results and does what it takes to get there. If he had to wait on other people, aka the people he is helping, the task might not get done. That’s why they called him.

The whole point of this story is this:

When one asks for help, be prepared to listen to and do what the response is.

I want to say that there is NO shame in asking for help. My view on life is this: The reason we have so many experts and professionals in so many fields and topics is because we are all passionate about something; what we don’t know, we should ask those whom it is their job/passion to know such information. We should not be afraid to call for help. That’s what the people who have the answer are for. Just like YOU. You have an answer that somebody seeks because you are good at what you do. There is no one else who can do what you do. You are passionate in something and you have a knowledge that no one else has. Be kind and help those whom ask for your help.

The key to this as well though is listening. If you are not an expert in baking pies, you go to the Food channel. You find one of their chefs and you use their recipe. That is what they do. No need to question it. Listen to what they say. Don’t ask for help if you are not going to do what they say. That applies to everything, from baking pies to investing money, to building a dog house, to flying a kite. Listen and be open minded. Learn. Try talking less and listening more. Think. Ask questions. Be curious. Engage the subject. You don’t have to be a master of it at the end, but at least get the worth out of your own brain to help sharpen the experts brain and keep them fresh. You all win in the long run!

I believe I am a facilitator. I am wired to help people do what they want to do. I love helping people.

I tend to be a jack of all trades. I graduated from college with 2 degrees. But what I’ve realized lately, is that it doesn’t matter about the degrees anymore. It doesn’t matter about experience. I have a lot of that as well.

What matters is those who want to hire someone will, and if they don’t, they won’t. That simple.

But don’t lose hope. You can do whatever you want to do. I will be the first person to support you. No one can take away the degrees you earned, your experience gained, your blood sweat and tears of which you pour yourself into something. Don’t let anyone belittle you. You have worked hard for what you have got and where you have gotten, don’t ever ever forget that. You might not know me, and I don’t know you, but I care. I care that you know what  you know. I care that  you have done what you have done. At least to the stuff you are proud of. Even the stuff you’re not if you would tell me that stuff. Because I see the growth in people. I see the change and the potential. The good ideas, the passion, the willingness to do whats right. I see that in people. I see that in you. Never lose hope. I believe in you.

At any rate it is odd at how many things from the high school days, many feelings, scenarios, and thoughts have come back into my life. I can say I didn’t want them, but at the same time I can argue with myself that I didn’t fight hard enough to keep it away this time. That’s what eats me up.

Controlling my anger and emotions is hard sometimes. But in the end I never see the worth in holding myself back.

I like to think if a bright happy future. I enjoy being optimistic and passionate about things. If we have only one life to live, why not make it the best? In the end we all go home…so why not go big?

While waiting in line to go into the manner, some conversations we were having got me thinking.

I do not have any unreal aspect to my life. I do not read books for fun, especially not fiction ones. I do not play video games, computer games, cell phone games, any electronic game. My list of movies watched is pretty short and unfortunately the ones I do watch are normally ones I’ve seen before. I don’t follow any dramas on tv. The only show I do follow regularly is Big Bang Theory. That is seriously it. Mostly I watch SPEED,  Food, or Fox. None of which have anything that is “unrealistic” about them.

These thoughts really started to hurt because I am told often but by many different people, friends, family, strangers, that I am in my own little world. That I have this warped sense of reality and that the way I see things is completely different than the way everyone else sees it.

My question then is how am I in my own world with a warped sense of reality if I don’t involve myself with fictitious worlds?

I have said many times that I don’t want to expose myself to other peoples influence. I want to be the one influencing.

Maybe I am doing just that.